So there’s few questions that keep coming to mind this week,
as our ministries’ construction zone keeps breaking up more ground. It feels like things are starting from scratch
in a lot of areas and we are wondering in which direction God is taking us on
often at days end.
First question, as only God knows when this whole transition
period will actually transition, and the pestering thought of “what meaningful
work did I actually achieve today” keeps daily pestering, this quiet voice also
said yesterday, “what if I brought you all the way to South Africa to
accomplish nothing more than to receive my love?”
“WHAT whoa Jesus do tell how could I measure that on the
successful missionary scale to my supporters? I mean getting to know who You
are and how You work are great and all but IVE GOT STUFF TO DO…LIKE NO I KNOW
HOW THIS MUST SOUND BUT REALLY, JESUS IVE GOT A SERIOUS AGENDA TO ATTEND TO
HERE…”
I’ve been on this
journey of God challenging me to consider what “success” really is. How much do
I really equate my worth in my eyes, others eyes and Gods eyes according to
whether I feel like I have worked hard enough, and accomplished something
significant. I’m hitting the old wall of being challenged to accept a new,
undeserved grace in this present situation. The thing is I will be no more
loved or significant in his eyes no matter what I do or do not accomplish.
He loves me because that’s who He is and what I was created
to know, receive and express back to him. So my pride needs to take a hit one
more time and realize whom his love rests on has nothing to do with any of our
actions. I could have the most
successful ministry here, but if my heart is not operating first out of the
love Christ has for me, I might as well come home for a merry Christmas. And of
course this is true where or in whatever we put our hands to, with or without a
fancy missionary title.
So then, second question, how does one go about receiving the
love of Jesus Christ? Its going to be the work of his Holy Spirit in each of us
individually, drawing us deeper into his heart as we seek him out, wholeheartedly
with our body, mind and spirit. “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it,”
quotes the Psalmist of 81. Are our mouths and eyes eagerly open to taste and
see Him anywhere, are we daily going to the word, asking Him for an appetite
for his love to satisfy us above all other relationships or substances this
world offers us?
My friends, together let us pursue his love until “it is
better than life,” (Ps 63:3) the ultimate achievement.
LOVE this. Kindda how I felt when I was so sick in Moz, thinking what was the point of me having gone and feeling guilty towards the people supporting us. The truth is, looking back, that was one of the most growing spiritual times of my life so PTL. Sometimes He surprises us and yikes it hurts to swallow our pride and be like: "oh, what did I accomplish today?". (I sometimes feel that way as a mom too.) By His grace we live and breath. Praise the Lord it's not all go go go :)
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